Joao Ferreira Faustino

This lovely man was my father.He was the best father in the world.Before being a father,he was a friend.He was a very intelligent,polite,and educated man,and tried to do everything he could for me to be who i am today.My father was always my shadow.He never left me,whatever the circumstances were.He was an exemplar father and the perfect husband.I remeber still when i was a little girl,how he would get up so early to put me to school,i still remember clearly when he would hold my hand and take me me to the park...I grew up,and he always was my shadow.He was very protective and caring...ehh,I guess maybe because i was a girl.My father was a very respectful man.He never ever slapped me,not even once...Always respected me,and would expect others around him to do the same...He always had a smile in his lips for me,and I was the child of his eyes.Though he was my adoptive father,he was very proud of having me as his daughter,and he never wanted to tell me the truth because he was scared I could leave him or hate him.But,I would never do such a thing.My father was everything for me,and the most important person in my life.I honestly was very happy with him during all the wonderful years with him,He was a very special man.
However,on 1999,things started to change dramatically:My father,a healthy man,and the so special person had changed...He was seriouly ill.My mother didn`t have an idea what it could be.My father was forgetting everything,he was getting isolated,and if he went out for a walk on his onw,he would be lost in the streets,a thing that had never happened before...Besides,he began to show a very weird and aggressive behavour,trying to beat up my mother,and whoever tried to take care of him.I was 17 years old,at the time.Then,I suspected somehow,that my father could have the Alzheimer`s Desease...So,tottaly scared,my mother took my father to the doctor...After a long examination,my dearest father was then diagnosed with Alzheimer`s!!!It was a great shock for all the family...During the nights,my father wouldn`t want to sleep,and wanted to go out...If my mother would say no,he would shout at her,insulting her,and trying to beat her up.I was then so angry.Angry with God,asking Him many times why did He let my father have this terrible illness,and why would i and my mother have to suffer that way,seeing our husband and father dying a painful and slowly death.From that time on,things would only get worse,since this is a degenerative illness,for which there is no cure.I helped my mother to take care of him,because this task was taking its toll on her.She was not that strong psychologicaly,and physicaly.And then,came the worst times of my life:Having to deal with the situation of changing nappies to my father.It was for me very difficult,as i was feeling I was disrespecting his privacy.But i had to do it...It was so painful.Then even worse...My mother couldn`t cope any longer,and we had to put my father in a elderly house...That was even more painful...I was indeed the last person to forgotten by him...He would always put me first even in his illness.I went just once to visit him in that house.But i couldn`t do it anymore...Because what i saw what horrible,and i couldn`t see my father like that.it was just unbearable.He was tied up to a chair,so that he couldn`t go around and around.He was thin,I almost could see his bones.He was pale,and lethargic...I had to swallow my tears when i was in the house,but then when i arrived at home,I just got alone into my bedroom,got locked in there,and cried,cried,cried.I got in there,coz i didn`t want my mother to see i was crying,otherwise,she would cry,as well.Then the saddest day of my life came:Someone who was in charge of taking care of my father would phone my mother to say he has passed away during the night,in his sleep...So so sad...I was already 4 months pregant with my son Luis,but i wanted to go to the funeral...My partner went with me.Many people told me not to go,inclusively my mother,because i was pregnant.But i couldn`t hear anyone.I just went.He was my father,and wouldn`t let him go without saying goodbye.When we arrived at the funeral,first thing i did was to look at my father`s face...My God,so different he was now!Lifeless and so peaceful...I regreted so much that I asked God to take him...but he was suffering too much,and in this case,it was a blessed thing for him.Here,I saw death as freedom of his illness and suffering...but as soon as i saw his pale face,i couldn`t stand it.I just turned away my face,and started to cry violently.My partner took me outside,and everyone wanted me to go home,afraid that this could be dangerous for me and my unborn baby.Anyway,things moved on...Now,I have 2 children,and I`m sure my father is watching over me and my family,as he would if he was alive.But I still feel there are so many things i`ve done to him that I would like to apologise...there is still so much left unsaid to him...And i wish i could go back in time!Maybe i should have visited him more often...I feel i have abandoned him,when he needed me most.Now,this Memorial is my way of making peace to my father`s soul,and to bid him one last goodbye...Daddy,you will always be in my heart!I love you so much!
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